So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
