Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Randomize
