i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
