i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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