Soap is not a condiment
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
