Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
