No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
