so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
