You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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