So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
