hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize