why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
