How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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