You're my little dorito
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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