Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
