Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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