Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
