eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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