i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
