wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have demons in me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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