ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
