So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
