Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
