i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
