Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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