I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
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