fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
