I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize