obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
