I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
