I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
