Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
