you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
