we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There are leaves in my underwear?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize