He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize