i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
