he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
