I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
