Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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