The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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