i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
