in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
