We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
