ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
