Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
