I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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