So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
