mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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