At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
