if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
