Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
