i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
