The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
