things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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