I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize