I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
