my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
