you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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