if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
