Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
