Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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