Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
