I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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