So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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