I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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