have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
