Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Everything about him screamed your future.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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