I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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