she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
