I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
