His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
