who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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