He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
