Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
