i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
