so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
