I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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