I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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