just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
