Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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