Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
