So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
