Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
