lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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