i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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