I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
