Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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