Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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