I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
