Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
